… to ask for pine nuts in a non-metropolitan Tescos and not come across as some poncey twat Londoner up for a weekend among the proles. Lord knows, I tried. But the recipe demanded pine nuts, and I’d already racked the shelves for twenty minutes looking. I got the answer I deserved, too: ‘Pine nuts, wha’re they?’ the callow youth in the produce section asked*. A passing shopper had the answer: ‘they’re nuts,’ she said, ‘from the pine tree.’ ‘Oh, that’ll be whole foods, then.’ And that’s where they were. I stocked up. I don’t want to go through that one again for a while.
Now then, where do you think they keep the organic goose fat?
*In the interests of balance, I should add that in the Lambeth Tescos I regularly had to identify such exotic vegetables as leeks to the checkout girls
June 17, 2008 at 6:49 pm |
Ach, Pine Nuts may be rarer but I bet the Venison and Salmon supply is far better, right?
June 17, 2008 at 9:19 pm |
erm, this is Tescos we’re talking about. Although we have tracked down a butcher selling fine local beef…
June 17, 2008 at 9:26 pm |
Of course, having stocked up, you won’t need to buy any until they’ve had a chance to re-arrange everything so you’ll head to where you think they’re meant to be next time and they’ll have gone necessitating asking all over again. I say ‘When in Rome…’ You’ll need a deep fat fryer, some lard and 4 king sized mars bars…
June 17, 2008 at 10:23 pm |
There is a polish guy who comes around our way selling fish. I also tried to explain to him what a leek was, it’s quite difficult if you don’t have one to hand.
June 18, 2008 at 6:59 am |
yeah, ditto pine nuts, I’ve found
Dom – maybe you’re right. But I’m resisting the deep fat fryer…
June 18, 2008 at 9:32 am |
I confused a checkout person with a chocolate chip shortbread from the bakery counter once. Where do they find these people?
June 18, 2008 at 10:22 am |
Obviously you’re still operating in Good Natural Food mode. Give it time.
You’ll find yourself putting things in pies that don’t belong there – that’s the start of it.
June 18, 2008 at 11:45 am |
Nik – yes, I often can’t tell the difference between a checkout person and baked goods, myself. The chocolate chips are a good clue though
Mike – so much for the natural rural life, eh?
June 18, 2008 at 12:05 pm |
Re venison and salmon
I would have thought that you’re still too far south. (based on my guesstimates of where you are)
Re pies
I tried a macaroni one. But I’m not going any where near a white pudding or a deep fried pizza. And could some tell me why can’t I find cheese and onion pies in Aberdeen?
June 18, 2008 at 12:21 pm |
There are salmon in the rivers around here, but I think it’s a case of catch your own. And plenty of venison but it’s all on the hoof and bounding about in the roads. Ditto pheasants & rabbits. In fact, never mind Tescos, all you need around here for a plentiful supply of protein is a car, and a shovel
June 18, 2008 at 10:17 pm |
Deep-fried salmon macaroni pizza in a pie.
There. I said it.
Prepare yourself mentally now, so when you meet it in a shop as you will inevitably do in that region of the UK, you won’t go mad.
I had to do something similar with Yorkshire food.
(Amazing/obscene what can be done with drippin’).
June 20, 2008 at 7:53 am |
That’s not a meal, that’s a dare.
June 22, 2008 at 8:38 am |
i’m shocked that you didn’t go out and scale a pine tree to harvest your very own.
June 22, 2008 at 4:33 pm |
You know, I wasn’t 100% convinced they were nuts from the pine tree but lo and behold they are. I’ll get climbing
June 25, 2008 at 5:27 pm |
I recommend you try describing a leek sometime as a “really skinny onion” and see what that gets ya.