I was so not up for going out conservation volunteering this morning. What with one thing and another, I haven’t been for more than a month and when I had to drag myself out of bed long before dawn – and brave the shower before the heating had had a chance to get going – I did wonder exactly why I had ever thought this was a good idea. I set off with the sun barely struggling over the hills and the Met Office’s promised (why? Why do I believe them? Why? It’s not as though they haven’t got a 100% track record of utter wrongness to date) partly sunny skies had proved on closer inspection to be lowering mizzle. 10 miles of cycling in a keen east wind did not promise good things.
I’d like to go on to say that the hard work was its own reward and that the satisfaction of a job well done was what changed my mind as I pedalled homewards, weary but happy. But actually, the real reason why I ended up having a fantastic day was that I was put in charge of the bonfire. A whole morning spent setting fire to things and then poking them? There can be no finer way to spend a damp January Tuesday on the beach. I had a pitchfork, too. Go on, admit it, you’re jealous.
Worryingly, though, I discovered today that I was considered something of a bonfire expert, for reasons which escape me. Fortunately my fire-starting weaknesses remained undiscovered (something to do with lighting a bonfire of gorse using kindling made out of old creosoted telegraph poles) and, hopefully never will be, or at least not until the weather gets a little warmer.
I think I prefer poking my fire at home. OK, it’s not as big as a bonfire, but it’s indoors and (once it’s got going) in the warmth. I may not have a pitch fork but I do have a full companion set and bring the tongs (less so now I’ve got the welders gloves) and the poker to bear many times on a night. Most importantly, though, is the complete lack of a 10 mile cycle ride to get to it.
Oh no! Burning stuff, letting carbons loose – I hope George Monbiot isn’t reading this… well he shouldn’t be – waste of carbons to have a computer to read it…
Dom – ah yes, but I got to eat 3 rounds of Nutella toast when I got home in compensation…
PaperBoy – I’m sure Mr Monbiot has better things to do than read this.
I agree with Dom, a fire in the home is wonderful, except that I have to keep getting the logs in, or fetching the bags of coal and trhen fulling the skuttle, which seems magical as it empties out almost as fast as I fill it.
However, I recall my time with the Scouts, lighting fires and then cooking sausages on a stick (a freshly picked non toxic one else it’ll burn) maybe next time to have one of these trips you should take a packet or 2 of best english sausages, as the scottish ones are normally flat, yes?
PS can you get haggis sausages?
yes, it was poor planning on our part not to have marshmallows at least. And as for haggis sausages, the Scots will put haggis in anything, so why not?
I’m not sure how one becomes a bonfire expert, but it must have been a pretty spectacular performance on your part. You’re apparently learning the ropes like a champ.
worryingly, I was hailed as an expert before a match had been struck.
[...] Baby, Burn I think we established back in January that bonfires are pretty damn good when you’re out there saving the planet all day. Today we [...]