As you know, I’m not normally one for complaining. However, after several weeks of biting my lip, I feel now that the time has finally come to put pen to paper. It’s not as if I haven’t been provoked before, what with the last two winters we’ve had, and the flooding, the gales and the unaccountable mix up that led to May coming in April, followed by April, if not March, being served up in May. But now that it is, allegedly, June, we did all feel that some sort of an improvement would be on the way. In fact we knew it, and the talk in the area has been of nothing else. For a start it was on the Countryfile weather forecast – and I know that even minor deities such as yourselves can’t argue with the Countryfile weather forecast. And then it was mentioned in the shop, and we all know that the only long range weather forecast more accurate than the Countryfile one is the one from Papershop Bloke. In short, whenever two or three of us have been gathered together to talk about the weather, there has been only one topic of conversation: it was going to get sunny and warm on Thursday. Through the days of wind and heavy showers and overnight frosts and sleet – I kid you not – on the bank holiday weekend, we have clung to this: it was going to get sunny and warm on Thursday. Tomato plants are marshalling on windowsills, barbecues readied, even tentative preparations made for the odd rash clout casting all based on that one shimmering promise: it was going to get sunny and warm on Thursday.
It is now Thursday.
And it can’t have escaped your notice, O Weather Gods, that it is not sunny and warm although it has, I grant you, stopped raining for a moment and I’m not happy. I’m not happy at all. If you don’t pull your socks up, Weather Gods, and deliver on your promises, there will be consequences to pay. I shan’t stop at writing a stiff letter, oh no. I’ll have to act. We won’t stand for this any more, we’ll not take it lying down. We’ll… we’ll… we’ll Do Something, and then you’ll be sorry.
Or, you know, maybe Friday would be okay.
If only I had known it was that easy I’d have complained aaaaages ago…