Long time readers of this, and my other, blog, not to mention anyone who’s ever suffered going shopping with me, will be aware that I have a problem with buying trousers. This goes back to at least 2006 (it’s one of the perils of the blogged life that you know when you’re repeating yourself), if not actually 1998. Jeans, I can do, if only Levi’s would stop shrinking the damn things, because I’ve been wearing 501s since they were actually cool (I’m still waiting for them to come round again – it’s got to happen eventually, right?) and they’ve not changed design in all those years. Ahem. Decades. I have changed design a little bit, in that I’m no longer the stick insect* I was at school but I can more or less fit into the same size jeans I wore in my twenties so I haven’t turned into some particularly odd shape, as far as I can tell. And glancing round me I can see that there are other women around who are roughly the same shape and size as me so the market for trousers that don’t make you want to kill yourself when you try them on in the shop must be there. So far, in the last 6 years since I first wrote about this I have spent increasingly long hours wandering round shopping centres, trying on trousers to no avail. Either they’re skinny cut and impossible to do up, or they hang round your hips and give you the arse of an elephant, or they have NO POCKETS or zips on the sides or come with a nasty plastic ‘free’ belt AND don’t fit or they’re made of polyester and something with the texture of brillo pads. And they don’t fit. In all this time, pretty much the only sort of non-jeans trousers I’ve actually managed to bring myself to buy are the multi-pocketed outdoorsy kind, which do fit although they simultaneously make you look as if you are about to invade a small country and have come prepared.
However, as some people will be relieved to learn, my search is at an end. Well sort of. I have just bought two pairs of moleskin** trousers from Hoggs of Fife, which fit (well sort of – the size 12 jeans were gratifyingly large) – and are decently cut as well as being nicely put together (they even feature grippy bits on the waistband so your shirt stays tucked in, always assuming you remembered to tuck it in in the first place). They will do me for a while, if the last pair I had were anything to go by – I had bought the originals in, I think, 2005 – and I may even go back and stock up now I know they fit.
There’s just one tiny problem which is that they only come in two different shades of drab green. As a glance at the website should show, these trousers are aimed at people whose connection to the outdoors is owning most of it, and – if you look at the other stuff they sell – mostly venture out into it to shoot things. This may actually explain why the trousers are so practical and nicely cut. Women who spend time on grouse moors shooting things are going to want nice warm trousers that don’t leave a cold gaping hole around the middle (and they wouldn’t want to look like the back end of an elephant either, in case their menfolk think they’re on a hunt in Kenya). And clearly, women who come armed with a gun get the sort of trousers that they want.
* Not an actual stick insect
** Not made of actual moles
Cargo trousers. Like cargo bikes, they can carry everything you’ll ever need, but can make the uninitiated look ungainly to say the least.
Suit trousers. I have *never* seen a woman who is not awfully well paid and in receipt of a wardrobe allowance (and therefore probably also a personal tailor) wearing a pair that fit properly. They pull across the top of the thigh, gape at the hollow of the back, cling to the knee when they’re meant to fall straight from the hip, have waistbands that are either in the armpit or below the bikini line. I believe it’s a conspiracy to keep us wearing skirts.
Jeans. Again with the oddly-placed waists. Prone to fitting perfectly on day one then bagging out like the Stone Roses have just released their first album again, or blood-stoppingly tight then *just* right after only a week of wearing – and that’s when you’ve found a pair that go above the knee in the first place.
Shorts. Just don’t.
Cords / heavy cotton trousers. The same problems as both jeans and suit trousers. With creases / kneeing.
Linen. Even when in a dark colour, they will somehow go seethrough when damp. Not good in sweaty weather. See also: creases.
Leggings. Should only be worn under other trousers for warmth or for exercise. Should be thick enough that a long top is *not necessary*. Do not offer control for wobblier legs no matter how high the lycra content.
I am not ashamed to go back and buy in bulk when I find trousers that suit and fit. If nothing else, the expenditure makes me all the more keen to maintain my weight to get maximum wear (or shrink at most, because taking in seams is fairly simple with my years of practice).
Congratulations. Now get some Dylon and sort out that colour!
curiously enough, I have little trouble finding shorts that are reasonably well cut (take a bow, John Lewis) but a great deal of trouble finding weather suitable for wearing them
Wot, no piccy??
Managed to extend my ‘work wear’ wardrobe by 100% by buying trousers at Wallis.
Your post made me imagine myself going shopping for trousers armed with a gun. Would I shoot myself and put myself out of my misery? Or would I just open fire randomly in pure aggravated frustration?
UHDD – darn straight no pictures! I looked at Wallis & I think I’d have to try them on – when I looked for shops they directed me to BHS. I’d have to have a look. fortunately I don’t need to look work smart too much these days.
Lynda – I think storming the HQ of the designers and getting them to explain at gunpoint might be the more productive route. Not that I’m actually advocating that, of course. But sometimes you like to dream…
I know the feeling. I’m somewhat below average height in the UK and German shops seem to be going for the Goliath market. I could use some of the trousers as a tent.
But having married Beautiful Wife I discovered the answer: I’m not short, just Japanese shaped. Now trips to Japan always involve clothes shopping. I’m incredibly cool. In Japan. In 2011
Actually, that reminds me – Muji aren’t too bad either, if they have stores in Germany?
Ha ha ! Love your last line..
Even before the last paragraph I was thinking that with a name like Hoggs of Fife, they must supply apparel for the sort of lady who tucks her shirt in.
The OH and I both wear Hoggs moleskins. Comfy, warm and hard-wearing. Downsides? When I wear them, I find tradesmen call me ‘sir’ and put their quotes up by 15%.
hehe – I find gardening in them tends to diminish that effect after a while!