Bad News on the Chicken Front

Hmm, I might have to revise my policy on the nationwide roll out of safety chickens to rural villages for traffic calming purposes. Cycling back with the paper the other day I spotted a mound of bright russet feathers and thought I had another pheasant for the Splatter Project but it turned out to be one of the hens from the Cottage that Used to Sell Eggs, still warm, but definitely dead. There’s nothing like standing outside someone’s door listening to them practising the cello inside, trying to gauge the best moment to knock and ruin their day, although at least it turns out that losing a hen to careless drivers isn’t quite as devastating as losing a cat.

As it happens, it wasn’t one of the safety chickens, for that cottage lies well outside the village and technically in a 60mph zone, though if you actually did more than 60mph on that road you’d kill more than chickens. That said, the last few times I’ve been through the village, it would appear we’re down to just the one hen – and the cottage on the corner has had a large lump taken out of it, apparently by lorry. It would appear we’re going to need something more substantial than just a few birds for perfect rural road safety.

And we’d better come up with something soon, because the first ickle lambs have started appearing in the fields and it’s usually only days after that they first start appearing on the roads…

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5 Responses to Bad News on the Chicken Front

  1. Just what i was going to suggest!

  2. Anyway, chickens have been crossing roads for years; no-one knows why…

  3. disgruntled says:

    @uhdd – genius
    @headless chicken – you’d think the cars would have noticed them by now…

  4. [...] I’ve been looking forward to the return of hens to the garden after the old lot were ruthlessly done away with by the landlord last winter. Today, spotting signs of activity at the hen run I was hopeful that my slug disposal systems would be returning, but no: they are getting new hens but they aren’t going to live up in the walled garden any more, they are moving down to the big house (not IN the big house, obviously, that would be silly). Junior landlord, who lives mainly in London, was a little worried that they might be picked off by foxes but I reminded him that you never actually see foxes in daylight in the country – it’s only in London that you find them loitering around the Elephant and Castle at noon or wandering into a takeaway for a lunchtime kebab – although I should perhaps have warned him about the traffic, after the latest casualty. [...]

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