How to Speak Coonsil

I think we need to examine the pathway of how that might work within a holistic framework – that sounds quite expensive, let’s kick it into the long grass

I am unable to comment as to the specifics of that at this time – I don’t know

I think that’s something we will need to revisit going forward but for now I think we should just place that on the table as something to take on board – I don’t care

I fully take that comment on board – I’m a bit annoyed

I’ve comprehensively taken that point on board – really quite annoyed

Looking backwards I think we need to concentrate on going forward – I have fallen over.

There was more but my brain clearly balked at remembering it, possibly out of a sense of self-preservation. Still, at least there were biscuits.

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16 Responses to How to Speak Coonsil

  1. CJ says:

    I’m laughing. How can these people even exist?!

  2. disgruntled says:

    What I wanted to know was if he spoke like that when he got home as well. ‘What do you want for dinner dear?’ ‘I am unable to commit to any specific option at this time until we’ve examined the parameters going forward’.

  3. “I fully take that comment on board”, hummm, that is one I hear quite a lot when talking to councillors…

  4. John Gibson says:

    I was hoping that they were a bit more sensible up there,and spoke proper like.
    John

  5. disgruntled says:

    @Kim it’s when they escalate to ‘comprehensively’ that you have to worry
    @John – sadly not

  6. babymother says:

    What kind of biscuits?

  7. Luckily, our office tends to stickto four letter words!

  8. I couldn’t possibly comment – I know we’re wrong and can’t find anyone to blame yet

    My officials will get back to you on this matter – I know we’ve got it wrong and we’ve just got to figure out who’s getting the blame.

    Results were extrapolated – we made it up based on an initial figure we counted something somewhere once and multiplied it appropriately.

  9. Flighty says:

    Corporate claptrap! xx

  10. Bob says:

    Oh! Biscuits! Awesome!

  11. disgruntled says:

    @Babymother and @Bob – I see you’re focusing on the essentials here. There were chocolate digestives, bourbons AND custard creams and having cycled there I felt justified in eating most of them.
    @Ranty – I think those are different kinds of meetings…
    @Dave H – oh yes, good ones.
    @Flighty – indeed. Despite not actually being a corporation

  12. Autolycus says:

    My own favourite in that department (well, a central government department, in fact) was: “We must ensure that all stakeholders are kept in the loop, going forward”. Though I was tempted, I decided it was above my pay grade to ask if the proposed procedure had gone through a thorough Health and Safety assessment.

  13. disgruntled says:

    sounds like a knitting pattern

  14. Jenny says:

    That is very funny. It’s quite an art deciphering pc-speak let alone creating it. I’m comforted that it is a universal language and robustly repeated anywhere in the globe where there is a council/university/hospital.

  15. fonant says:

    Reminds me of the application from our Parish Council to the County Council for a few thousand pounds to renovate a public loo building. The councillors requested to see the “business plan” before they’d agree to spending the money.

    Without all this jargon we’d be in danger of understanding each other!

  16. disgruntled says:

    @Jenny – too true, I thought I’d left that world behind though
    @fonant – there’s a joke about ‘paperwork’ in there somewhere…

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