Crime Wave

A friend reports one unexpected side-effect of the recent warm weather. She went up to her allotment near Bigtown on Friday to find that her shed had been broken into – again. More in hope than expectation of any tangible result, she reported it to Bigtownshire’s finest, and got on with her day. Two hours later, the police turned up to investigate this, the crime of the century.

‘You never bothered when the shed was broken into the last time,’ she said. ‘In fact, I’ve been burgled twice and never seen a police officer, so how come you’re out here now?’

‘Ach well,’ said one of them. ‘We thought we’d come out as it was a nice day for a drive.’

Of course it could also be that they’d misinterpreted what she had meant by reporting ‘two missing hoes.’


12 Responses to Crime Wave

  1. Mikeachim says:

    Arf. 🙂

    Yes. How many turned up? Any more than two, and I’ll bet it was the entire local police force.

  2. PaperBoy says:

    Not long after we moved in here the Rozzers were round doing house-to-house enquiries… the crime in question, a graffito on the bus stop in town. Refreshing change from where we were (which also wasn’t a crime hotspot, but still never saw a Rozzer out of a patrol car)

  3. j says:

    Did an ambulance come with them, or did they think she’s a pimp?

  4. disgruntled says:

    Mike – pfft – we’re not *that* rural.
    PB – the police round us in London were often on horseback, although I never really worked out why
    J – hehe

  5. Flighty says:

    It always happens in the school holidays!
    We have a ‘pretend policeman’, that’s a Police Community Support Officer, who we very occasionally see riding his mountain bike through the allotment site! xx

  6. disgruntled says:

    Now if they’d cycled down, that would have been really cool

  7. Autolycus says:

    Have I been watching too much of The Wire, or are you now in Baltimore?

  8. Jenny says:

    Interesting priorities. We have all manner of violent offending here in balmy little Auckland, but the quickest I’ve ever had police come was when my letterbox was blown apart by a bottle bomb. We nailed it together again quick smart. It must have been a particularly quiet night.

  9. disgruntled says:

    Autolycus – hehe. Or should that be ‘ho ho’?
    Jenny – wait – bottle bomb? Is that what passes for a quiet night in Auckland?

  10. […] doing my civic duty in giving a statement to the police (and no, I am not the prime suspect in the Great Hoe Theft, before you ask). As I left, they apologised for dragging me all the way in over a relatively […]

  11. […] is, however, no news on the war against garden implement theft. Priorities, guys, please. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)A Police Report Against […]

  12. […] * as in female dog, not something to go with his hoes. […]

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