Dog Bites Blogger*

The embarrassing part of this story is that it happened just after the other half and I had faced down two really mean looking boxers (the dogs, not the sweaty men in satin shorts) which had decided that the track up to the footpath was part of their territory. Having got past that particular hazard, we were walking down the road home discussing dog-ownership etiquette. ‘They really should be under better control,’ I said. ‘It’s not like the herd of little tiny dogs down at the turn to the ford. Those ones get out but they’re not exactly scary.’ ‘Yeah,’ said the other half. ‘They sort of remind me of how many five-year-olds can you take in a fight.’

How we laughed. Until we got to the turn off for the ford and one of the herd – not my friend from last time – came bounding over the wall towards us. Now normally when dogs get out of their territory they’re pretty craven, but this one hadn’t read the manual and the next thing I knew it had dashed across the road, swung round behind me, and closed its tiny needle-sharp teeth on my calf. Ow. Suddenly the words ‘you stupid bitch’ were entirely appropriate (for indeed, it was a she) although I only thought of that when I had got home and inspected the damage. It’s pretty humiliating being bested by a creature you could theoretically drop kick over a wall (although perhaps not so humiliating as realising you could only take 12 five year olds in unarmed combat. That’s my nursery teaching career out the window then).

So our walks from now on may have to be accompanied by stout sticks. And I’m going to start being extremely cautious around cows

*Yes, I know this is the archetypal not-news story but hey, it’s my blog and it happened to me and I bet you any money that even in the days of hot metal, ‘Dog Bites Newspaper Proprietor’ would have made the front page.

11 Responses to Dog Bites Blogger*

  1. Dom says:

    I believe the correct course of action now is to involve a firm on lawyers engaged on a “No Win, No Fee” or “We’ll sue the other party again for our costs” type basis claiming for personal injury, loss of income, trauma, medical treatment, long term care and recovery and any other punitive damages they can think of so that you can “get the compensation you deserve”.

  2. Jane says:

    Apparently I could take on 21 five year olds. I don’t know whether to be pleased or ashamed.

    I have been emabarassingly, bitten, clear through the hand, by my own cat. No reason, just out of the blue. In my own home. We are still friends but I was a bit eggy about her sleeping on my pillow for a while.

  3. Small dog syndrome. No doubt barks in a Scouse accent. But probably doesn’t wear Creole earrings…

  4. disgruntled says:

    Dom – the loss of earnings part might be quite hard to swing …
    Jane – were you prepared to use one of the five-year-olds as a weapon against the others? I drew the line at that.
    Chastity – it would be wearing a hefty chain around its neck, if I had my way

  5. Little dog, big dog; if it bites its a big problem as the uphilldowndale family know only too well.

  6. Sticks? No. The trick, surely, is not to react, just to glare and let them know who’s boss?

  7. disgruntled says:

    Mrs UHDD – indeed, although at least with a little dog no real damage is done.
    Mr Roundabout – hmmm. You’re welcome to come up and try glaring at them and see how that works for you.

  8. bikinginla says:

    Just FYI, you should at least check with the owner and verify that the dog has had all it’s shots — any bite that breaks the skin can be dangerous, even from the little monsters like that.

    Also, I’ve found the best way to stop an attacking dog is to give it a command, like “sit!” or “go home!” in a loud, firm voice. It works surprisingly often, though it is least effective on little dogs, since they often don’t even obey their owners.

    Now just be careful around the next full moon; I’d hate to see you turn into a werepoodle, or whatever…

  9. disgruntled says:

    It would be a werejackrussell, if it’s anything.

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