Ain’t Nobody Here but us Chickens

Nearest Village’s generally deserted streets have been enlivened in recent weeks by three nice friendly brown hens, who wander around it freely, sometimes on the verge, sometimes in the road – folk do like their chickens *very* free range round here. A local building project, plus some forestry means there’s a fair few lorries coming through the village at the moment on their way to and from the Big A Road, so you’d expect they’d not be long for this world – but we already know that trucks brake for poultry, so maybe their owners are onto something. As a traffic calming device, a couple of hens are a lot cheaper than speedbumps, and more replaceable than children, with the added advantage over either of laying eggs.

In fact, now I come to think of it, the question is not ‘why are there hens roaming the streets of Nearest Village?’ but ‘why doesn’t every village have them?’


9 Responses to Ain’t Nobody Here but us Chickens

  1. John Gibson says:

    H’mm chicken, I have heard they taste a bit like horse.

  2. disgruntled says:

    who knows what anything tastes like these days!

  3. Rachel says:

    We have occasional free range sheep in our village. Locals identify whose they are by their general unkemptness, but no-one seems very keen on visiting that particular farmer to let him know they’re out again. Those with gardens nearby put electric fences round their veg patches.

  4. disgruntled says:

    I suppose the garden damage aspect is a downside. Hens not quite as destructive as sheep though

  5. Charles says:

    Obviously families that wish to use the roads with impunity should invest in chicken suits. Lorries would slow down and civilised life could continue – simples.

  6. disgruntled says:

    it’s a thought – and with the onesie craze still going on, possibly not that impractical either

  7. […] – I hasten to add – that I’m complaining. And I was cheered to note the village safety chickens were still on patrol, clustering pointedly beneath the 30mph sign this morning. Although perhaps […]

  8. […] I might have to revise my policy on the nationwide roll out of safety chickens to rural villages for traffic calming purposes. Cycling back with the paper the other day I spotted […]

  9. […] the road widens out enough to allow a driver to pass. It was just at that moment that I saw the two safety hens were out, with one of them ever so slowly beginning to make her way across the road. I signalled to […]

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