Safety First

Pedalling down to the shop today, I came around the corner to be confronted with a small procession: Cow, calf, farmer, quad bike with more farming-type folk on it and a car that had got caught up behind everyone else. Naturally, as I was on a bike – the scariest thing on the planet known to livestock – the cow immediately started panicking at my appearance, which didn’t bode well for the procession ever getting past me before darkness fell. This is not the sort of thing they cover in the highway code, as far as I remember, so I just had to improvise. First I got off my bike and laid it down flat on the grass so the cow couldn’t see it. Unfortunately this just transformed me from scary cyclist to still-quite-scary standing human, and mama cow still wasn’t having it, so I turned my back and waited. For some reason, my back isn’t anything like as scary as my face* so that was enough to let the whole lot proceed on their way, cow, calf, farmer, quadbike, car and me.

So there you go: cows are even stupider than you thought. Truly, if wolves ever learned to walk backwards they’d clean up among livestock – at least, as long as they don’t take up getting about by bike.

In other news, I am grateful for Matthew W in the comments for word that ASBO buzzard is not alone

*and you can just keep your sarky remarks to yourself

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4 Responses to Safety First

  1. Paul says:

    I was once bringing a very “mad” cow into the steading when around thirty foreign cyclists appeared on the road. Any instructions I shouted were lost in translation. Irate farmer being hard to translate and they being from a city had no sense!
    Eventually the cow could contain herself no longer and she charged through the group knocking several from their bikes. Further down the group they became quick learners. I followed through on the quad bike feeling less than charitable as this was the third year running this “organised tour ” had used our private road without having asked or notified us. Never saw them again mind you 🙂

  2. disgruntled says:

    I imagine whatever they did 30 cyclists would have been terrifying given the way cows respond to just one …

    • stcleve says:

      Most cows faced with 30 cyclist would prefer to turn and trample the single herder rather than take on 30 strange colourful objects. This one was the exception to the rule.
      Turning your back on them makes you less of a threat as they can’t see your eyes.

  3. […] good to be back on the old papershop run too, even though the traffic was terrible (I adopted the correct procedure for allowing cows to pass me and with a bit of eye rolling they made it past), and ASBO buzzard did […]

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