Pedalling down to the shop today, I came around the corner to be confronted with a small procession: Cow, calf, farmer, quad bike with more farming-type folk on it and a car that had got caught up behind everyone else. Naturally, as I was on a bike – the scariest thing on the planet known to livestock – the cow immediately started panicking at my appearance, which didn’t bode well for the procession ever getting past me before darkness fell. This is not the sort of thing they cover in the highway code, as far as I remember, so I just had to improvise. First I got off my bike and laid it down flat on the grass so the cow couldn’t see it. Unfortunately this just transformed me from scary cyclist to still-quite-scary standing human, and mama cow still wasn’t having it, so I turned my back and waited. For some reason, my back isn’t anything like as scary as my face* so that was enough to let the whole lot proceed on their way, cow, calf, farmer, quadbike, car and me.
So there you go: cows are even stupider than you thought. Truly, if wolves ever learned to walk backwards they’d clean up among livestock – at least, as long as they don’t take up getting about by bike.
In other news, I am grateful for Matthew W in the comments for word that ASBO buzzard is not alone…
*and you can just keep your sarky remarks to yourself