New Scriptwriters, Please

So community council night tonight, and I was a bit surprised to find the ‘police matters’ section conducted in an atmosphere of suppressed hilarity as it didn’t deviate much from its usual course (two police officers we’ve never seen before, nor will we ever see again, come in and introduce themselves as our community policepeople, tell us that there’s no reported crime in the parish, warn us about the latest wheeze among the rural criminal classes – currently wheely-bin towing, whereby young people in cars hang out of the passenger window to grab a wheely bin and then see how far they can tow it before abandoning it three miles down the road in a ditch – inform us that they haven’t found our statues yet, ask us if we’ve anything to report, and leave with relieved looks on their faces). It was only after they’d safely gone that the chair – having kept an admirably straight face throughout – asked if anyone else had noticed that they’d walked in and and officer one had greeted us with ‘Hello, hello, hello’, while officer two had added ‘evening all’…

It made a change from the usual agenda items of dog poo and potholes, I suppose.

7 Responses to New Scriptwriters, Please

  1. Jenny says:

    Well you see, that ruins my image of rural UK village crime! Miss Marpole and any number of other rustic bobbies on UKTV seem to have endless murders to solve and bodies found in ditches. The only time that didn’t happen was in Hot Fuzz, but then it turned out the whole village was in on the salacious crimes going on. Ha ha. I removed myself from the Neighbourhood Support Group here in Te Atatu, Auckland, because I couldn’t keep up with all the necessary vigilance.

  2. John Gibson says:

    asked if anyone else had noticed that they’d walked in and and officer one had greeted us with ‘Hello, hello, hello’, while officer two had added ‘evening all’…

    This was what they thought all country people would expect as a greeting. You said you had never seem them before, I wonder if that is because things are changing now Scotland has a national police force, sorry police service.

  3. Bob says:

    So you’re saying the Flying Circus came to town, is that it??

  4. disgruntled says:

    @Jenny – seeing as they still haven’t found our stolen Henry Moore, I think even one body a ditch would be beyond them. Fortunately the only things murdered around here is the wildlife
    @John – I assume they teach them that at Police college.
    @Bob – that’s about the size and shape of it…

  5. Paul M says:

    Well, I guess any policeman who would be old enough to recall where “evening all” came from (answer: “Dixon of Dock Green” on the BBC, a spin-off from the film “The Blue Lamp”) would be long retired by now.

    What do they call a street of Police Houses (remember them? I think Thatcher sold them all off)? – Letsby Avenue.

    I attend City of London police/community liaison meetings from time to time. They have three main topics of discussion: cyclists running red lights, rowdiness outside pubs and bars, and vagrancy. The actual residents of the City (about 8-10,000 in number, cf 350,000 daily commuters) are predominantly elderly and – especially around the Barbican – seem to believe cyclists are more dangerous to them than tipper trucks. If cyclists don’t show up Cityplod goes off with the impression that their number one community-led priority is to stop cyclists at lights while all the motors sail on through.

  6. stcleve says:

    History always repeats itself. 25yrs ago when I was on the community council a policeman would appear, introduce him/her self as the community policeman. Report on latest concern and get the hell out of there ASAP. Rarely spotted again until another recruit braved the threshold a year later and went through the same routine.

  7. disgruntled says:

    @paul – given that policemen are getting younger all the time, I very much doubt they’d even heard of Dixon of Dock Green
    @stcleve – I’m beginning to think that attending Nearest Village community council meeting is some sort of probationary police officer initiation ritual

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