Hats Off

Well, hat. And not because it’s wonderfully warm and sunny, but involuntarily. My fabulous tweed cap has proved itself equal to most things, including Britain’s wettest winter since Noah, but it’s just a tiny bit poor at staying on my head in a gale. To be fair, I’m not convinced that any hat could have coped with this morning’s headwind, which was extra blustery, and it did stay on for the first three miles, albeit pulled further and further down my brow until I was basically navigating through a letter box. Eventually, though, I felt it levitate gently off my head as the wind found its way under the peak and then it was bowling away in search of a nice patch of manure to land in.* This is not the first time it’s pulled that trick – I’ve taken to removing it before riding over bridges as a precaution – but I particularly missed it this morning because the wind was also icy and the cap is warmer than a warm thing and can’t do much to keep my head warm if it’s stuffed into my pocket.

So now I need a way of keeping it on my head that doesn’t involve my mother’s suggestion of sewing old pairs of tights into it because I’ve got to draw the line somewhere, and wearing my mother’s underwear on my head is where I’ve chosen to draw it. Hat pins (which would have the additional merit of giving me something to fend off buzzards with)? Petersham ribbon (whatever that is)? Moving somewhere less windy?

Suggestions in the comments please. Not you, Mum

* At least this way it will get a nice lived-in look quickly and people will know that I’m not wearing it ironically. I’m pretty sure that even the most dedicated Hackney fashionista rubs muck and bits of straw into their tweed garments to give them that authentic farmyard patina.


13 Responses to Hats Off

  1. Anonymous says:

    Ear strap extentions?

  2. WOL says:

    A slender cord attached to the hat at one end and to you at the other endr?

  3. Viviane says:

    A nice and ladylike silk scarf knotted all around the hat and under your chin ?

  4. Viviane says:

    I mean wrapped around the hat and knotted under your chin (my english is a little rusty that early in the morning)

  5. disgruntled says:

    I think I’d have to be French to carry off the silk scarf look. Or the queen

  6. Bob says:

    Well, if you’re not happy with a chin strap arrangement, perhaps you can do something that we commonly practise out on the boat.
    There are these around the next type of straps that you see at conventions and such with a name tag clipped on the end. You remove the name tag and clip the thing to the back of your hat. It may then still blow off, but won’t fly off into the drink.
    Or, into the poop as the case may be. I have several.

  7. Charles says:

    Told you to get a deer stalker, they tie under the chin. You could wear the hat backwards, in a truly terrible urban baseball cap look, or you could do what the West Indian cricket team did, or one anyway, which was glue it to his head at the start of the day….Possibly tights are a step to far but a small patch of Velcro superglued to your forehead would work well.

  8. CJ says:

    I think you’ve drawn the line in the right place. Clamp it on with a large pair of ear muffs.

  9. disgruntled says:

    @CJ – that’s about the first workable suggestion I’ve had.

  10. Autolycus says:

    I’m pretty sure that even the most dedicated Hackney fashionista rubs muck and bits of straw into their tweed garments to give them that authentic farmyard patina.

    Why else would they have a city farm?

  11. Jenny says:

    Isn’t this where a knitted snug-over-the-ears hat takes the place of a tweed-with-peak hat – just for the windy days? Something that might have a second use as a tea cosy on tweedy hat days?

  12. disgruntled says:

    @autolycus – good point
    @Jenny – the problem is it’s still raining and a knitted hat is no good in the rain, plus I need the peak to keep the rain off my glasses (and, optimistically, the sun out of my eyes if we eve see the sun again)

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