Squatters’ Rights

I suspect just by posting this I will reveal just how very unsuited I am to yoga – no doubt I should be all about letting go of material things and concentrating on inner beauty and all that – but there is a problem: someone has stolen my spot in yoga class. I’m not sure if this is the normal way of things in yoga classes, but everyone else has been coming for aaaages and they all have their favoured spots, so newcomers get directed to a free place, usually the emergency newbie spot beside the teacher, but I lucked out early on when someone dropped out and I got a yoga-mat-sized slice of prime real estate in the corner under the heater and right by the mirror so I can discreetly check that my downward dog is channelling a stretching whippet rather than, say, a giraffe at waterhole, in so far as my hamstrings will allow.

All was going well until I had to take a break from yoga due to my hernia op. The first week back after Christmas, the class wasn’t very full and I could resume my place without any problem. But then last week – disaster. The class was rammed with both all the old timers and some newcomers and when I got there SOMEONE WAS IN MY SPOT. To add insult to injury she was wearing a top with ‘Yoga Bunny’ on it, which I feel is a low blow. I think she may have started coming while I was away and been assigned my favoured place, meaning I am now back to square one, relegated back into the newcomer’s spot alongside someone who was there for the first time. Or worse – for this week not only was yoga bunny still in my spot, still wearing the yoga bunny top, but I was assigned to a temporary place because someone couldn’t make it that week. I am now effectively homeless in my yoga class, a transient, carting my yoga mat from place to place, with a new neighbour to get used to every time. This is seriously unsettling

The only solution, other than turning up half an hour early and reclaiming my territory that way, which I suspect is a major breach of yoga etiquette and besides may start an arms race I can’t hope to win, is to wait it out and hope that yoga bunny sees the light and takes up pilates or Zumba or something more suitable, leaving me with vacant possession. Barring any further surgery, I should be able to outwait her. She may be more punctual than me, but I have both time and patience on my side, and besides, I’m not having to do yoga with me glaring at me resentfully from an inferior temporary spot in the draught from the door, if you see what I mean. At least it gives me an incentive to turn up rather more regularly than I was in the past, which should be good for my neck and back. Or at least it would be, if only I could ungrit my teeth…

And breathe…


11 Responses to Squatters’ Rights

  1. Neil says:

    Surely, change is good? 😉

  2. “Yoga bunny.” Hmm.

  3. disgruntled says:

    Neil – not when it’s a change for the worse!
    Rachel – exactly

  4. Bob says:

    I’d stop going.
    Actually, that’s probably why I don’t play well with others to start with.

  5. charles says:

    I never go near to the gym or any other public exercise space in January, they are all to full of people with New Years resolutions…You could get a tee shirt with the slogan “We eat bunnies round here” but it might be misconstrued.

  6. disgruntled says:

    Bob – having skipped yoga for 3 months I really felt it, and I know I won’t do it without going to the class
    Charles – yeah, I’m hoping I can wait it out

  7. I recently started doing yoga, and wasn’t aware of people having their spot in class (though quite why I didn’t realise this, I’m not sure, given that I’ve had my spot in almost every other class I’ve ever done). Now I’m starting to worry that I’ve stolen someone’s spot, and they secretly hate me. And before anyone asks, no I don’t have a yoga bunny t-shirt.

  8. disgruntled says:

    haha! Is anyone glaring at you?

  9. Oh dear. Have you whispered in the bunnies ear that it is your spot? How was the poor wee bunny to know. I think I’ll stick to life drawing (behind the easel, not in front 🙂 )

  10. disgruntled says:

    Ah, but as I wasn’t there for 3 months it’s probably also yoga bunny’s spot … so I’ll just have to grit my teeth and wait it out.

    Life drawing sounds interesting…

  11. […] those awaiting with bated breath for updates on the Yoga Wars front, Yoga Bunny has proved herself a fair weather bunny and hasn’t appeared for the last […]

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