Reign of Terror

I had a gentle gardening post lined up for you this evening, but ASBO Buzzard intervened by stepping up its War on Cyclists somewhat and proving that the only thing more scary than being hit by a buzzard completely unawares, is looking over your shoulder to discover ASBO Buzzard right behind you coming in for the strike. That did quite a lot for my acceleration up the final climb, I can tell you. And the only thing scarier than that is when you’re cycling home again and thinking that at least ASBO Buzzard doesn’t attack so much in this direction, for some reason, when you hear its querulous calling and look over to your left to see it streaking towards you across the field at more or less head height. The last impression I got – before I put my head down and pedalled like the hounds, or raptors, of Hell were after me – was of a pair of mad yellow eyes boring into me, and two giant yellow sets of talons dangling down ready to carry me off to its nest.

The other half is home tomorrow, thank goodness. Quite apart from the fact that it’s depressing and tedious to cook for yourself (beans on toast tonight, thanks for asking) and that I’m so starved of conversation I’m a threat to people innocently biding their time in bus stops, it means he’ll be heading into Notso Bigtown on Wednesday and can pick up the paper in the nice safe car, while I marshal my anti-buzzard defences for the next installment.


7 Responses to Reign of Terror

  1. welshcyclist says:

    Buzzards galore in this valley where I live, fortunately they have no interest in cyclists.

  2. Max Hadley says:

    Since – as is now well-known – birds have evolved from dinosaurs, ASBO has probably been co-opted into promoting the release of the new Jurassic World movie. Could be worse, you could be pedalling along the shores of Loch Ness…

  3. charles says:

    what about wearing a pith helmet? They are made of cork and will absorb the talons and foil ASBO. Also they will keep the dangerous scotch sun at bay. Not sure what to do when it rains.

  4. Andy in Germany says:

    We have Buzzards, Hobbys, Kites, Kestrels, Peregrines, and Sparrowhawks but none have the slightest interest in me, which is good because there are no hedges and very few trees to hide behind…

    When does a protected bird become a problem? And what non-lethal things can you do about it apart from firing party poppers when it get too close?

  5. disgruntled says:

    Most buzzards around here do ignore me, fortunately. It’s just that one. I’m beginning to wonder what their average lifespan is

  6. you do wear a helmet???

  7. disgruntled says:

    I don’t (long, complicated reasoning), although if anything would persuade me to, it would be ASBO buzzard

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